dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
