i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
