my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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