never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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