Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
