My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
