I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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