I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
