Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
