i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
