Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize