Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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