Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
