K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
