somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He passed out mid-signature
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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