"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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