I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
