haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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