He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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