id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
