Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
