How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
