A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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