he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my poor anus
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
