How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
