I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
