you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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