How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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