i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
