She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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