How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you like me you must not know who I am
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
