covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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