Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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