remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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