At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
