have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
