What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
