If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
