my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
