he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
