Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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