The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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