Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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