I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
