omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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