Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
