So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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