She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
