What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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