I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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