I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
