I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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