i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
