I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
