Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
