She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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