I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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