Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
