Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
