When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize