Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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