If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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