I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize