I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
