is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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