My first STD was from a foam party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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