the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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