oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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