My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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