I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
