Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
