"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
