My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
