I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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