Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
