Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His hands were made for my vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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