Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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