if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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